i love being alone! it's so fun to be out and about by myself. such a welcome treat for the body and mind that are constantly trying to serve other people. that are constantly working themselves raw to the bone. there's no trauma or mental illness when i'm hiking out in the bush. there's no anger directed towards myself when i'm in the library with a coffee and my headphones. only a deep, bone-warming satisfaction at being who i am.
i think this is why i love being out in the world. staying at home brings a sense of dependence. dependence on technology, on food being in shops, in electric lights, and the internet at my fingertips. once i'm outside--god is it something different. there's a freedom in being Outside. there's a freedom in gardening and cultivating food and backpacking and sleeping on the ground.
when i tell people that i'm planning to turn my hiking hobby into a backpacking hobby, there are always some concerned faces. not without reason! it's a sport with inherent risks. but, man, the rewards are bound to be greater than anything i've experienced yet. to be outdoors for the sunrise, up early to walk the next leg of track, to sleep deeply after a long, intense day of exercise. to be alone on the earth---and purposeful! this is what i crave!
i work a desk job. i work from home. i'm alone most hours of the day, except for my cat. while i'm alone at work, this isn't independence---this is a nightmare. chained to my desk with nothing to do but leave sometimes to grab a snack, or fill up my water bottle, or stretch out my limbs on the floor. there's really nothing to do. i'm bored. and i've had a gutful.
one day, i'd like to be regularly having indescribable experiences. i'd like to not have every day be the same: wake up, go to work, decompress from work, bed, repeat. i'd like to do crazy things! fun things! beautiful things! and i hope you get them too.