i've been hyperfixated recently on the concept of self-care. that is, doing activities that prioritise yourself, your wants, and your needs. i've been feeling quite unmoored lately, feeling isolated, feeling a lack of identity, and a whole lot of anxiety. when i sat down with myself and tried to figure out new routines based on what i felt i needed, those routines wouldn't stick. when i try to go back to who i was before my injury, i can't find her.
stay with me here. here's the hypothesis: i'm fixated on how to care for myself because all of the self-care i have been doing is ineffective. the self care i have been doing is ineffective because i am lacking identity, and i don't know what it is i actually want to do. i don't know what would make me happy. so, to stop the cycle, i have determined that i need to keep trying to figure out what i want.
i know the joy of discovery is in the process. i know joy is found in throwing myself wholly into things. so i just have to figure out what to throw myself wholly into. i think. maybe.
anyway, i've decided to pare down my very intense routines. here is a small look into a tiny self care routine.
clear out the cobwebs regularly. spew words on to a page, talk into a voice memo on your phone, type furiously into your notes app. whatever it takes to just fucking get the thoughts out. important!!!!! remember that thoughts are not inherently true. they're just words.
move your body. for me this is going to the bouldering gym once a week for 3 hours. smarter people than i would probably go more regularly, but once a week is enough for me. i'm tired.
if you're not familiar with the concept of "worry time", you're in luck because i'm about to explain it to you. choose a location that isn't your bed. choose a time of day that you're free that isn't right before bedtime. assign 15 minutes of your day to go to that spot at that time and worry. you cannot worry outside of this time. assign 10 more minutes if you're regularly going overtime, or less time if you don't have anything to worry about. watch your day get better as you practice this daily.
there you have it, my guide to self care. obviously this isn't for everyone; this is just what's worked for me. am i still having a quarter life crisis and the longest identity crisis ever? yeah. is it a little easier when i'm devoting time to myself? yes again.